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I Caught Mom Kissing in Canada - Tue Dec 28, 2004 10:34 am

Don't ya hate it when your parent lies to you? Last night, Mum asked me to take her to woman's group -- a group of ladies from the church who meet regularly. It was a surprise to learn that I have to drive, because usually Miss Knowlton drives Mum. I asked Mum why Miss Knowlton couldn't drive, and I got an evasive answer that parents usually give to their children.

I didn't think much of it. I drove Mum. She gave me directions to a house in town, and when we pulled up, I noticed that there weren't very many cars around like there usually is for women's group. When I made this remark to Mum, she brushed it off and told me to pick her up at 10:00 PM. Then I got the distinct feeling that I was being dismissed.

As I made my way back from town, I saw a shadowy figure walk into our laneway. I was surprised to find that it was Miss Knowlton. She was taking an evening walk, all bundled up against the cold, and was going to call on Mum to do the same. I expressed my surprise that she wasn't at women's group. Miss Knowlton told me that Women's Group usually meets every Wednesday night. I told her that she was wrong, and that Mum was at women's Group as we spoke. I had just in fact dropped her off. Miss Knowlton abruptly wheeled around and returned home without a word.

Oh - oh, something was up. And it centered around Mum and this supposed women's group meeting. I pondered about this, and even asked the girls if Grammy had mentioned anything to them. No one had a clue.

So I left for town early, and staked out the house that Mum was in. I didn't pull into the drive but parked across the street. Then I remembered that I had these little Bushnell 10x25 pocket binoculars in the glove box, specifically for bird watching or wildlife viewing. I retrieved them and took up being a peeping Tom (which ironically is a diminuitive of my Christian name). It was dark outside, and the house was fairly lit up and there was a total absence of activity in the house. Just then, I see Mum traverse across the lighted window, followed by someone else.

Now Mum in her prime was almost 6 feet tall. I understand that my biological father was tall as well and that is where I get my height. So in spite of the fact that Mum is now an aging Grammy, she is taller than the average person. The person following her was much shorter.

I twisted the focus knob of the binocular to see the other person. Horrors -- it was a short little wizened white man, with a shock of white hair. He was pawing my Mum. And then my Mum stoops down and kisses him. It wasn't a little 'by your leave' peck on the cheek -- it was a Vulcan lip lock. And it grossed me out.

I turned on the engine and pulled into the drive. I honked the horn. I can see Mum rushing to get into her coat, like a guilty child trying to hide something. I should have noticed that Mum was wearing lipstick when I dropped her off, but now I noticed that it was slightly smeared.

I casually asked her how Women's group was, and she answered with a very terse "Fine". I asked her why there was no cars, and she said that the meeting broke up early. Then I casually mentioned that Miss Knowlton dropped by, and Mum's eyes got wide as saucers and she looked desperate. Then she nervously says that it wasn't exactly a Women's group meeting. I asked her what kind of meeting it was, and she started off to mis-direct me, and finally confessed that she was seeing a man.

I go "MOTHER !!!" and told her that I saw her acting like a shameless hussy, being pawed and groped by a midget. She didn't say a word. When we got to Miss Knowlton's, she asked to be dropped off. She said that she would walk home. She got home an hour later. She made a cup of tea, humming all of the while. She was still humming when she went upstairs to bed.

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