Romantic Advice Needed - Mon Apr 18, 2005 6:06 pm

My girlfriend and I went out for a Sunday brunch with another couple. He is a co-worker of mine, and she is his girlfriend of 6 months. We went to a lovely little Victorian town where all of the buildings are made of limestone, and a river meanders through town. Incredibly scenic and a beautiful spring day. We ate on a patio overlooking the yacht basin.

I had a damn good time, and my girl did too, and I didn't notice that anything was amiss. This afternoon, the guy tells me that he is thinking of splitting up with her and he wants my advice. I asked my girlfriend what he should do, and she said that she wanted no part of anyone else's relationship angst. So, I have decided to ask the forum, because I have no idea what to tell this guy.

Here is the situation. He likes the girl a lot. She is around his age, intelligent, university educated and attractive. She has a few extra pounds, but my colleague isn't shallow at all, and he doesn't give a damn about the weight. The way that he put it, is that there are 3 things wrong with her that he is having trouble getting over.

The first is that she is an incessant talker. Whenever there is a lull in the conversation, she feels that she must fill it. She tells anecdotes about people that none of us, including my colleague know. It is goes on and on. When the conversation between us gets to an interesting topic, she intelligently contributes to it, and doesn't try to dominate it. It is almost as if she is incapable of quiet time. She has to fill the quiet spaces with inane chatter.

The second is a little funnier. Do you know how Doctor Hibbard on the Simpsons throws in gratuitous laughs for no reason into the conversation? She does the same. She laughs and nobody else does, and what she is laughing at, is something that she has said, and its not very funny.

The third thing is the most unfixable. She is a spitter. When she talks, the spray flies. Sitting across the table from her is sheer hell. It flies everytime there is an 'ess' sound. You wouldn't want her to say 'Simon sells seashells by the seashore' and be standing in front of her.

The poor guy is in a quandry. The girl has a heart of gold (and so does he. He is a gentleman through and through). But her finds that he is starting to tune her out when he spends time with her. And how do you approach a women and tell her about her traits and not hurt her or get killed in the process?

This is a toughie. There is a high degree of compatibility between otherwise. But my colleague works in stratified social circles and he says that he would be embarassed to take her to the functions that he must attend for his job. He feels that if the subject were broachable, he could coach her to be quiet, and not do the Dr. Hibbard laugh, but the spitting bit is the show stopper.

Any advice? Words of wisdom? Comments? The guy is truly afraid that if he does break up with her, he might be passing up a life soulmate. But he can't live with the other features that seem to be a part of the package.

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